The Strength that He Supplies...

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

I Peter 4:10-11

Where to begin? WHOA, to say that life has been busy is a bit of an understatement. Insanely busy, is closer...but maybe a bit of an exaggeration...I haven't gone insane yet ;P, or at least I don't think so!

As most know, my dear grandmother (nanny) passed away two weeks ago. She has been sick for a number of years, yet her death still came somewhat unexpected. Being an eastern girl, I needed to travel home for the funeral.

Staying here was. not. an. option.

Even though nanny has not known me for the last 8years of her life, she is my nanny. And I love her. And let me tell you, she is one special lady. She knew what it was to cling to her Father (even as her mind was slipping), to depend on Him for her deepest needs, to trust Him for even her simplest needs. He was her Rock, her Strength, her Comfort, her Shield, her Provider, her Refuge...

She has left huge impressions on my life, that will last a life time. And I had to go home to say one last good-bye. (I will share more of her impact on my life in a later post!)

THE TRIP...likely one of the most exhausting. exhilarating. entertaining. things I have done in a while...Remember the thankfulness journal I started keeping a while ago? O how useful this was!!

I started the trip post night shift, frantically tying up loose ends instead of sleeping, and then leaving at the crack of dawn in order to make it on time for the visiting hours.
And. we. are. so. thankful. we. did! because day 2 left us with an empty tank of gas and a flat tire...stretching our ETA in PEI, well into late evening...just before the visiting hours ended.

I travelled with my dear cousin and her two adorable young children (yes, I'm saying that even after driving across the country with them!!). Yes. She was brave enough to weather such a trip on her own...leaving daddy far behind. On the spur of the moment. Hardly a second thought.

What strength He supplied!! Our trip went smoothly...even with the flat tire. His presence was so real. We were covered in prayers. And we felt it. We watched torrential rains stop in an instant...a prayer lifted up. We felt Him holding us up as we bowed, asking Him to send us help to change the tire. And two lovely gentlemen arrived within minutes. We savoured the sunshine. The cool grass. Beautiful countryside. The timing of stops...and on our way home when we were both exhausted, dreading the long trek, we started the list again...'Thankful for...early-morning coffees and chocolate danishes, smiling babies after a week of travelling, soul-searching conversations, $4 t-shirts, avalanches of birthday wishes, the look of a brave boy smiling through tired eyes'...

...the gift of thankfulness changing weary hearts. Strengthening the inward man, as we travelled.

Exhausting. but refreshing. Reminding me of the Strength that is made perfect in weakness.

I came home from the trip weary. thankful. blessed. thought-full. Straight back to work (which while I was gone has managed to bring 'busy unit' to a whole new level!), Sunday School lesson to prepare, a week full of work and courses...and teen night and Sunday School planning meetings to plan/attend.

Tonight, I'm finally stopping. Unwinding. Sharing. After a full week. My heart is also full. Many times this week I wondered if I'd make it this far. And I did. On His strength alone. WOW, He is good :)

And just when I felt like I couldn't physically get out of bed at 5am one more day, or carry out one more commitment, He gave me this little phrase from I Peter 1 'Father who judges impartially'...and the way it hit me was this...He. of all people, could judge me and take sides. He knows and understands me far better than I do myself. He knows my weaknesses. He knows not just my deeds, but the intent behind them...and He would be righteous in condemning me. But no. As His child He judges impartially.

I may judge, and condemn myself in my weakness. Perfectionists do that! As onlookers we may judge weakness and condemn...we all do it! But I stand uncondemned. Wrapped in the arms of a loving Father who judges impartially. Whose strength is perfected in weakness. Who is glorified, when in our weakness, we come to Him - infused with Strength.

Housekeeping

It seems ironic that I'm sitting here - in an apartment piled with laundry to be folded and laundry to be washed, dishes to be done, floors needing desperately to be vacuumed and washed, and a pile of 'things to put away' sitting on my bed - writing a blog post about housekeeping!

Suffice it to say. This is not about how you keep your home ;) just a few housekeeping items to catch me up and get me back in the game of blogging!!

I'll be honest. I'm new to this whole blogging thing, and I'm learning a thing or two. First off, I need to re-read previous posts before posting a new one...perhaps then I wouldn't repeat myself ;) I apologize for that!! Secondly, blogging is a commitment...and anyone who knows me knows that my track record isn't stellar. I'm a work-in-progress...picked up day-by-day by a loving Father, who knows me better than I do myself. So if you don't hear from me in a while...I'm still workin' on the whole commitment thing :) Don't give on me. I will get to it!

 I will also mention that the first couple of posts were really just to describe how I got to be where I am today...more reflective, shall we say! The real purpose of the blog is to give you a flavour of how God is working in my life right now.

...and now that the house has been tidied (figuratively only!!!), read on!

The Gift of Thankfulness

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thess 5:18

 



I've been thinking of posting this for a little while, but life has its way of getting away...

I want to tell you how the gift of thankfulness has changed my life. How it is transforming my mind, and molding my attitude. I want to tell you how I was first introduced to the discipline of thankfulness, and how the power of 'be thankful always in all things', a command from God's holy word, has changed and is changing this ungrateful, often earthly-focused gal.

  I was an over-achiever, highly motivated, eternally optimistic, 'yes' kind of gal, focused on my service-based-acceptance Christian life, who hit rock bottom in 3rd year university. Apparently I had fried my brains (burnout they say) saying 'yes' to everything, and running on an empty tank. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and put on strong sedatives initially, and then started my 'life-long' prescription of anti-anxiety/anti-depressant meds. (Looking back, I likely struggled with anxiety since I was 10). God graciously dealt with me that year...I was able to finish university, and I have worked for the last 6 years in pediatric cardiac nursing in a large city hospital.

 

  Over the years I have hit some more deep lows, including suffering from a broken back less than 6mnths after starting work, and dealing with chronic debilitating pain for over a year...not knowing if I would ever be free from pain and work again! I sunk into a deep depression and maxed out on my meds...convinced I would never be free from the anxiety and depression that seemed to be controlling my life.

 

  I tried multiple times to wean my meds, focusing on exercise, rigid routines etc...but less than a month into it I would find myself each morning, doubled up with anxiety, unable to get out of bed. I was still clinging to God, still reading and praying, and talking and walking with God...but could not be freed from this anxiety. No amount of self-talk or convincing would help. So I continued, maxed out on meds, managing just fine with a busy work, personal and church life.

 

  Last summer, my discipleship partner encouraged me to read the book 'One Thousand Gifts' by Ann Voskamp, and we challenged each other to start our list of one thousand gifts. The list has continued. I carry it with me wherever I go, and update it on the subway, at the coffee shop, on a break at work, in the quiet of my room, making mental notes throughout the day of his rich blessings. It has changed my outlook on life's circumstances. It has changed how I read my Bible. How I commune with God. How I worship. and the list goes on. Perhaps most significantly, it has changed my mind. Last fall I weaned completely from my meds, and am officially med free!! A feat my doctor said was next to impossible after being on these meds for more than 5 years.

 

  Life is not without its challenges... in my work life, church life, home life, family life...but He is teaching me to count my blessings, offer thanks, cultivate a spirit of thankfulness..."and the peace that passes all understanding will keep your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus". I remember one night in particular, I was sitting struggling with life, not wanting to be thankful, finding it hard to think of something to be thankful for, but reading through the Psalms. He spoke "We give thanks to you, O God; we give thanks, for your name is near. We recount your wondrous deeds...Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds..."

 

   And I bowed my head and did just that. And I felt the burden lift, and peace flood in.

This story has been repeated over and over again! It is the key. The key to a joyful, full life in Him. Because the moment we bow our hearts in thankfulness, we lift our eyes from the imperfect, to the Giver of good and perfect gifts, his joy and peace floods our souls. And He is glorified!

 

The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me Psalm 50:23